Facts about Canada

Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics,these are some questions people from all over the world are asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto -can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax ? (England)
A: What, did your last slave die?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ?(England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?(Germany)A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Needs more jiggawatts..

I am back at work this morning with only a bit of a cough left. I don't know what has me more tired at the moment, the cold, or the whole one hour time shift. My clock said 6:30 this morning when the alarm went off, however my body was saying "Sod off, it's only 5:30" and just wanted to go back into a coma. My voice may take a few days to recover it's girlish sound as right now I sound like a wandering transvestite.

Some interesting headlines from Fark this morning..

When asked about the suspected mass grave beneath her house, she responded, "No wonder our plants grow so well"

Speed limits on rural roads in the UK may be cut from 60 to 50mph to save lives. No word on how many lives would be saved by driving on the right side of the road

Percentage of Americans calling themselves "Christian" drops 11% in one generation. They were blinded by science

And the worst one of the day goes to

Pastor shot and killed during Sunday services. *pew*pew*pew

I also came back to find my intern had been fired. Not like I didn't see that one coming.

Back to my tea and my testing.

Fevered musings..

I feel bad for my kids. They have been on Spring Break for the last week and my plan was to go to work early so I could come home early and we could do stuff. Instead they got to watch Mom hack, sneeze, cough, blow nose and struggle to speak.

I hope none of them have to write an essay on "How I spent spring break.." when they get back..

It was the worst of times, it was the phlegmiest of times.

Lock, stock and two smoking nostrils.

While my nose gently drips.

I could go on, but I think I'll stop now and drink some more tea.

You are not the baby's father..

Daytime TV sucks!

Here's some winter scenery instead.

Congested brain.

I am off sick today so I present to you my cat, waiting for his breakfast.

This blog goes to 11.

They're baaaaaaaaaaaaack.

Mental fluff..

I wonder if it's the same as bellybutton fluff (you need to read this).

The party went really well if not a little noisy at times, but it could have been a lot worse. The police didn't show up so that's always a good thing. We started off at an all you can eat buffet, and ended back at my place where 5 of her friends stayed for the night. They played Clue, Monopoly, Scene It (Disney Version) and sang along with every Disney song in the book, laughed at stupid videos on Youtube and of course, played Rockband. They all piled out at 5pm yesterday and the house was finally quiet. The 5yo absolutely loved all the female attention though. He has all the makings of a Casanova..

The Sweet 16's of my era were never quite as tame. The whole 70's Me generation which sent most of our parents to the discos and swing parties with powder on their nose, left most of us pretty much unsupervised during our formative years. Sweet 16 parties that I went to always involved alcohol, drugs and at least one couple having sex in an unused room. Times have changed!

Next stop, Kid B's birthday in 9 days.