Things that make you go hmmm.

We have been doing a spring cleaning at work the last couple of days and my taskw as to go through all the cabinets and toss out old games, keep newer and more popular ones, then I came across this gem;

Meanwhile back at the ranch...

My daughter is having her Sweet 16 party tomorrow (even though her birthday was in December) so once I feed a whole group of her friends at the buffet, 5 of them are coming back for a sleepover. I am armed with tylenol and a few horror movies to keep them occupied. I am of course plotting to scare the crap out of them at one point. Film at 11.



"The Daily Show's" Jon Stewart pokes fun at Barack Obama's Canadian trip

TORONTO — "The Daily Show" may have been in re-runs last week, but host Jon Stewart didn't let U.S. President Barack Obama's visit to Canada escape his sights.

On Tuesday night's show, the American comedian devoted about two minutes of his opening bit to Obama's wildly successful visit to Ottawa last Thursday. Stewart posed the question why did Obama go to Canada before showing a clip of Obama almost saying "Iowa" when he meant to say "it is a great pleasure to be here in Ottawa."

Stewart quipped that Obama went to Canada for his first foreign trip as president because he can "mess up" here, calling Canada the diplomatic equivalent of a pre-season game.

The Daily Show also aired a clip of Obama signing the visitors book on Parliament Hill, to which Stewart asked "Canada has world leaders sign their guest book? Are you a country or a bed and breakfast? No disrespect."

Stewart also poked fun at the fact that Obama spent only seven hours on Canadian soil, saying that his first diplomatic trip on the show's "How Long Americans Stay in Canada Scale" ranks above a firecracker prescription drug run and just below an underage Montreal bachelor party.

Obama said when he was in Ottawa on Thursday that he came to Canada on his first trip as president to underscore the closeness and the importance of the relationship between Canada and the United States.

Obama's highly-anticipated meeting with Prime Minister Stephen Harper in Ottawa yielded an agreement to co-operate on the economy, fight climate change and protect the auto industry.

During his brief trip Obama went out of his way to praise Canada, noting he has both Canadian in-laws and staff.

"I love this country," he said.

Original article here.


Crime of the century

I was listening to this in the car today, and I wondered to myself after really paying attention to the lyrics, how did they know about George Bush back in 1974?

Now they're planning the crime of the century
Well what will it be?
Read all about their schemes and adventuring
It's well worth a fee
So roll up and see
How they rape the universe
How they've gone from bad to worse
Who are these men of lust, greed, and glory?
Rip off the masks and let's see.
But that's not right - oh no, what's the story?
There's you and there's me
That can't be right

Apart from that though, I love the haunting melody at the end of the song..

Best Oscar speech ever


We don't need no steenkin' title

I am completely brain dead this weekend. I don't know if it was the long week at work, the interviews, the lack of sleep, or the three combined, but, the light's on, and no one's home.

A snuggie commercial came on while I'm writing this and what scared me was at the end they say, "similar products sell for $50 and more.." There are similar products??

I was going to drive around today and take pictures of snowbanks and the like, however it is snowing and completely smoggy/grey outside, so that's out. Kid C has a birthday party to go to between 11:30 and 1:30. They are having it in a café designed for kiddies, complete with built in jungle gym, etc. Just what one needs on a Sunday to complete the day. A restaurant full of kindergarteners! Where's the tylenol....

Next weekend is Kid A's Sweet 16 party. I'm taking her, and 11 of her friends to an all you can eat buffet and have agreed she can have 5 of them sleep over. I like torturing myself apparently. I will plan a night of horror movies and popcorn with a side order of tylenol..

So heads up, the price of the tylenol stock is about to go up this week!


Obama ate a beavertail.

Canada's love affair with Obama deepened today as the President made an unscheduled stop in the Ottawa Byward Market, bought a beavertail and some maple cookies for his daughters. If I was still living in Ottawa, I definitely would have been one of the frozen onlookers waving a flag.

Various news articles about the visit with more photos.

I love this country!

Crowds thrilled by unscheduled stop

Obama waves, Canadian women are never the same.

Obama shops for cookies and beavertail.


Considering I fell asleep on the couch at 9:30 last night. After putting Kid C down for the night, I figured I'll just sit down for a minute, then go make a cup of tea. Never made it.

I woke up at 10:30 long enough to realize, I was done, sent the other two off to bed and crawled off to bed.

I woke up to a winter wonderland this morning, but at least that meant it was warm enough to snow.

It's 32f now, and I think I'll go back to my visions of driving to Key West.


Yeah, I can relate.

I think this song sums up how my brain felt after listening to the same spiel 10 times today and ooooh some of them loved to ramble on.

3 down, 7 to go.

I need caffeine, or Red Bull or a couple of sticks of dynamite under my chair.





Interview Hell

Started off today interviewing students for the summer session which isn’t too bad as some of them can be quite interesting.  It’s when you get the deadpan ones that answer every question in a monotonous monosyllabic tone that your mind tends to wander off to your next vacation, what to eat for lunch, state of the world economics, etc.  I was in a semi-comatose fog by the time the 4th student arrived, however once he entered the room I was wide awake and wishing for an oxygen tank.  Wearing cologne is nice, and can smell wonderful when put on in appropriate amounts.  This guy chose to marinate himself in ¾ of the bottle for the interview.  It was the longest 15 minutes I’ve endured in a long time.  My eyes were watering, my throat closed up and my nose felt like there was a midget with a blow torch in it.    I went outside afterwards just to clear my head, nose, throat and eyeballs.   Chances are I’ll hire the perfume-free girl with no experience because she looked eager and willing to learn.  In the monotonous job of testing, one needs personality to survive.


For lunch I went to the local pet supply store because my daughter was running low on hamster food, the bird was running out of seed and frankly the drive would further clear out any lingering cologne effects.   As I was walking through the store, the cashier came running up to me ‘I’ve been waiting for you to come back in since last year!!!”  and then hands me $22 and a lottery ticket stub.  I’m kind of dumbfounded at this point and she went on to explain that when I went into the store at some point last year before Christmas, she didn’t have all my change for the purchases I had made (came up to about 2 bucks), so I said to her, don’t worry about it when you do get it just go out and buy a lottery ticket with it, so she did and we apparently won $44.   I’m still kinda dumbfounded, but it’s nice to know there are people like that out there.. 


I’ve had better luck with a complete stranger with  a lottery than I have with the local office pool!


Well, break time is over, back to the grind!


Monday I have Friday on my mind...

I'm definitely ready for another weekend. Kid A was sick with the flu that Kid C had just got over (which kept me home for most of last week) so Kid C is back at school but Kid A is home. Thankfully she is at an age where I can come to work and zip home if she needs me. Times like this I wish I had bought stock in Kleenex.

To add to the cauldron, I woke up Sunday morning to a dead monitor. It had shades of white and pastel mixing in with grid lines on the screen. CNN never looked so trippy! A Viewsonic vx2260 has replaced it, rather nicely I might add.


Questions that haunt me.

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape, or shoplifting?

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated and not just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only "a penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the same clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it sill called a hearing?

Why are you in a movie, but you're on TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is bra singular and panties plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that aAcme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's on your ass?

Did you ever notice that wne you blow in a dog's face, he gets made at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?



Taken from a recent competition in the Washington Post.

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other
-- that is until I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty and so is your head.

I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.


Spellchecker at work..

We received an email today from a co-worker, apologizing due to one of the servers coming down for maintenance. Which was fine until you got to this line:

"Sorry for any incontinence this may cause."

I did a reply to all and wrote "Feeling a bit pissy today?" Someone else followed up with "Well your incontinence won't bother me since I can't smell you from where I sit." and finally, "Where's the mop?"

This had the whole lab giggling for hours. I went over to him at lunch and asked him if he wanted me to pick up any Depends for him while I was out. He was still laughing over the fact that all this stemmed up from him initially mispelling inconvenience, and the spellchecker offered a choice of words, he just hit the first one since he was in a rush. A rush to go to the bathroom maybe??


Canadian Car Chase

Yep, this about sums it up.

To Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair
dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice!

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask If they want fries with

4. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over
their caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.

5. In the memo field Of all your checks, write 'For Marijuana'.

6. Skip down the hall rather than walk and see how many looks you get.

7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

8. Specify that your drive-thru order 'Is to go.'

9. Sing along at the opera.

10. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party
because you have a headache.

11. When the money comes out of the ATM scream 'I won! I won!'

12. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling 'Run
for your lives! They're loose!'

13. Tell your children over dinner, 'Due to the economy, we're going to have
to let one of you go.'

And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity.....

14. Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and ask
where the fitting room is.


Another Brain Game

Exercise your Brain...

It will tell you at the end of the game how old or young your brain is.....

This will drive you nuts. The site instructions are in Japanese, so read below!

1. Touch 'start'
2. Wait for 3, 2, 1. to finish then start the game.
3. Memorize the number's position on the screen, and then click the circle from
the smallest number to the biggest number.
4. At the end of game, the computer will tell you the age of your brain.
5. Forward the message and type your calculated age in the subject line.

http ://flashfabrica.com/f_learning/brain/brain.html

My brain age is 22!

Maybe the groundhog was wrong..

RAINFALL WARNING: Montreal Metropolitain-LavalIssued at 11:02 AM EST WEDNESDAY 11 FEBRUARY 2009


Well I did ask Laoch to send some of that warm Chicago weather my way. Gotta like a man who can deliver.

In other news, I loved this guy's take on Valentine's. I like what he says that if you love someone, love them 365 days a year and not just one day.


I am roasting in my apartment as the heat is still blasting from yesterdays 6f weather and it is currently 42. The windows are open, a robin hopped by looking for worms in the snowbank and the cats are happy to watch this.

Think I'll go turn on a fan.


Brain Games (working)

Read out loud the text inside the triangle below.

More than likely you said, "A bird in the bush,"! and. ........
if this IS what YOU said, then you failed to see
that the word THE is repeated twice!
Sorry, look again.

Next, let's play with some words.

What do you see?

In black you can read the word GOOD, in white the word EVIL (inside each black letter is a white letter). It's all very physiological too, because it visualize the concept that good can't exist without evil (or the absence of good is evil). Now, what do you see?

You may not see it at first, but the white spaces read the word optical, the blue landscape reads the word illusion. Look again! Can you see why this painting is called an optical illusion?

What do you see here?

This one is quite tricky!
The word TEACH reflects as LEARN.

Last one.
What do you see?

You probably read the word ME in brown, but.......
when you look through ME you will see YOU!


Count every " F " in the following text:


WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.
Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.

The reasoning behind is further down.
The brain cannot process "OF".

Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!
Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.

Three is normal, four is quite rare.


Obiwan Kenobe wore a snuggie

The horror!

To retro'cert or not to retro'cert.

I read on Facebook (through iLike application) that Fleetwood Mac are swinging into town on March 25th. I hope my pockets can swing the price of the ticket!

Meanwhile, here's a video of The Chain. One of my favourite Mac songs, which I also love playing on bass.

Update: I got tickets! Yay!


Random Sunday stuff.

I hate my nose. I think my drinking I did as a youth gave it a permament red tinge on the tip. Nobody notices it but me. I'm sure I'm going to look like Karl Malden when I get older.

Tonight I am having yummy pitas! Greek tzatziki along with goat's milk feta, raw spinach, cucumbers and tomatoes all wrapped up. It's been awhile. I figured I'd take adavantage of the warm (33f) day to eat a cold dish.

On the other hand, it's supposed to go down to 1f tonight. Ugh. I wish the weather would make up it's mind as tomorrow morning I will be driving over the ice rinks this will create.

The kids are hungry, so am I. Time to slice the veggies.


Tell me why, I don't like Saturdays

My day goes something like this:

7:30 - Wake kids up, get dressed and run Kid A to the Cadets for 8:30
9:00 - Head home, feed kids B and C and myself.
10:00 - Head out again to take Kid B to his Social Skills Group
10:30 - After dropping Kid B off, Kid C and I head out for groceries.
12:00 - Pick Kid B up after finishing groceries by the skin of my teeth and head home.
12:30 - 15:15 - Put groceries away, make lunch, eat lunch, sort laundry, do laundry, clean up house a bit.
15:30 - Gather up Kids B and C, head out to pick up Kid A.
16:00 - If I'm lucky Kid A gets out on time and I don't need to sit in the parking lot for an hour (Which kinda sucks when it's -20)
16:30 - Arrive at Costco. Leave Kids in car under care of Kid A (unless it's -20 then we all go in) gather up bulk foods not bought with regular groceries.
17:00 - Arrive home, put away more groceries
17:30 - Sit down for an hour and have tea OR bike for an hour. Depending on my degree of tiredness
18:30 - Get up and make dinner
19:15 - Eat dinner
19:30 - I think I sit down at this point.

It's more tiring than my average work day! Then the kids wonder why I don't want to leave the house on Sunday!


Zach spends the day at work.

Unaware of the webcam!

Uh oh! It's been discovered!

Am I in trouble?

Guess not!

Business Star Signs


Instead of star signs, what's your business sign?

You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with sales.

Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree." You are also self centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.

Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even you don't understand what you are saying but who can tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.

One of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that 90% of all personal ads are placed by engineers. Accounting: The only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organisation; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumours concerning you say that you are completely insane.

Human resources
Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organisation. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut and eat lunch.

Management and middle management
Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Romantically compatible with other middle managers as everyone in you social circle is a middle manager.

Senior management:
See above. Same sign, different title.

Customer service
Cheery, positive, you are a bus ride away from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "customer service". Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.

Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience. You have convinced yourself that your skills are in demand and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organisation in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities without ever taking direct action.

As a person that profits from the success of others, you are disdained by most people who actually work for a living. Paid on commission and susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly with fluctuations in the stock market.

Partner, president or CEO
You are brilliant or lucky. Your inability to understand complex systems such as the fax machine suggests the latter.

Selling England by the pound of snow..

I feel bad for my relatives.. They aren't used to it like we are over here.

Maybe I'll send them a shovel.



I had a flashback on my way to work this morning (don't really know what brought it on) about the time my Mom, Sister and I went out to dinner at Red Lobster. My sister and I tend to be the giggly ones of the family, and when we are together it can get a little dangerous.

We were just about finished our meal, when something set my sister off. She just started laughing. Of course my mother and I are staring at her, waiting for her to stop and share the joke, but it just got worse. The more we stared, the more she laughed. She has one of those infectious laughs too, so before long, I was laughing right along with her. That's when the Domino Effect kicked in. The more I laughed, the more she laughed which made me laugh harder. My poor Mother could only sit there, occasionally giggling, but looking around to see if we were being stared at. That of course made my sister laugh even harder, and I followed suite like a good little lemming. After 15 minutes of this, we now have tears running down our cheeks, and we're pretty much doubled over since our stomachs are now killing us and I honestly thought I was going to throw up! We finally calmed down enough to breathe, wipe the tears and resume some sense of normality when the waiter came up to our table and asked rather innocently "Are you ladies done?"

The results were disastrous because now my mother was laughing, my sister was back to crying again and I was just in too much pain to do anything. We paid the bill and left. Our laughing fit cost us though. When we got home and figured out the bill, we realized we had given the waiter a $15 tip. That of course, set my sister off again.

Rinse, lather, repeat.


Just when I thought it was safe...

I get this in email:

When cat meets underwear.

Zach decided that Ragnar's life wasn't complete without a pair of underwear on his head.


Gimme Shelter

I am growing increasingly impatient with this new student that is currently working with me. I had mentioned a few blogs ago that he was a bit of a pain, and he hasn’t improved at all. It got to the point where we had a meeting with him to point out some simple things; not reading the supplied documentation, spending too much time staring, asking questions that are clearly answerable by simply reading said supplied documentation and taking extended breaks from his desk, because we all need to spend over an hour in the bathroom. If he has a medical condition that requires this, he probably should have told the boss right from the get go.

So since that meeting not much has changed except for the amount of questions because he was told off for disrupting the whole team. He is still asking me questions where all the answers are written down, and still spending most of his time staring. I have now placed a 30 inch flat panel on the small filing cabinet between my desk and his to allow me some privacy to work without eyeballs boring into my back all the time but he is still craning his neck and looking over. This time we got the big boss to pull him aside and have a talk with him. His excuse for not reading the documentation? ‘It’s not related to Vista and since I’m working with Vista I don’t need to read it. “ Uh-huh. Every single document he was giving to follow the test guidelines all have to do with Vista. It’s even marked on the paper “In Windows Vista, do the following… “ Anyhoo. I forwarded all printouts to the boss and highlighted all the pages where Vista is marked. He wasn’t impressed.

This morning after spending an hour last night contemplating my plan of action, I decided his notes were going to get an upgrade. I asked him for the binder containing the documents and then spent half an hour with a bright pink highlighter, highlighting ‘Microsoft Vista” wherever I saw it and including any headers where the test guideline was Vista specific.

I handed it back to him and the conversation went like this:

“Here’s you binder back. All your documents have been upgraded for Windows Vista.”

“Really? Ok. We got new papers?”

“No, I just took your old papers and in a bright obnoxious pink highlighter, highlighted all instances of Microsoft Vista because obviously you were having trouble finding it before. So now, you can no longer use the excuse that the documents are not related to Vista. If you continue to ask me questions where the answers are clearly written therein, I will just ignore you and continue my work which you are trying to disrupt.”

A little later on, he calls me over to his desk. “Can I ask you a question?” I said depends, what’s the question? ‘Can I send you all my questions in email from now on, that way I won’t be interrupting you.” Oh sure, that works fine with me.

Now I will have documented proof of his inabilities.