20.12.09

It's the most wonderful time of the year.....

.....

Why is it that Xmas seems to bring out the worst in people? It's like it becomes a competition to see who can ram the shopping cart up your ass faster and harder than the previous, who can jack the parking spot you're about to back into, and how fast can you run through the mall (visions of old OJ Simpson commercials come to mind) to get the gift that really mattered but because of high demand and low stock, someone else has beaten you to it?

The joy has been taken out of the season by shopping maniacs! Don't even try to go to Costco during the month of December.. You have to make your own parking spot because half the population of the planet is in there buying out 5 gazillion rolls of asswipe because you know with the holidays, you just might run out.

Isn't the stress of trying to find the perfect gift bad enough without having some irate shopper beat down on you?

Normally I like to complete my Xmas shopping well before the December 24th deadline as in the week before Christmas there's generally nothing left on the shelves and everyone and their mother, sick or healthy are packed into the malls like sardines in a can, which generally means if I venture into one at this point, I'll most likely get sick. It took me a month and a half to drag out of my sister what size her daughter takes, and even then my other sister had to tell me.. now I can't even get out of my sister what she wants for Xmas, or my brother in law and I still have one niece and nephew who I have yet to buy for. Ugh. I've decided I'll just throw some money at them and they can go deal with it themselves.

Christmas celebrations began a week ago, as I went to Ottawa to have an early Christmas with my family there.. The kids were happy with their presents (as my son put it, "it's the best christmas ever!!"). This weekend I let them open their gifts at home, since we're on the road driving to New Jersey on Christmas Day. Last year I let them open their presents on Christmas Eve and the poor little buggers didn't have enough time to truly enjoy their presents and they spent most of the vacation saying.."I can't wait to get home so I can play with....." So now they have a week to get it out of their system.

Oh well, back to packing up gifts..

And that's a wrap!

20.9.09

The curious case of..

Back, from another absence.. although smaller this time..

We have been working on a new product at work (to be released to the general public sometime next week) so work has been insane, plus I had a kid from Madrid with me for 2 weeks, then ended up with another for an extra week.. so I was a temporary tour guide as well as workaholic for the last 3 weeks. Of course all this wouldn't be complete without throwing a cold in there too. I felt horrible last week, but couldn't take any time off due to the boss being on vacation and me being in charge and of course the impending release. Ack.

Of course with all the paranoia about swine flu, everytime I coughed or sneezed people were wondering if I was going to infect them or not, so I spent a couple of days walking around snorting and oinking.. :)

With my new found downtime, I finally managed to watch The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons last night and was totally surprised by this movie. I didn't expect to like it as much as I did, but it was a great movie..

Now that I have caught up on laundry and housework, I'm going to be a dedicated couch potato today. Let's see what other movies I can catch up on.

6.9.09

Lying about your age..

..has now taken on new heights.

I was browsing some weird 50's ads on one site and clicked a link accidently that lead me to a site called ShopInPrivate.com. Well, being the curious individual that I am, I browsed around the site and thought I had seen everything until I came across this.

Anal Bleaching Cream

It's purpose is to lighten up your exit (which apparently darkens with age) so you can look younger all over.

Buy some today! No point in telling people you're 35 when your backdoor clearly states you're 50!

5.8.09

I'm baaaaack..

After three glorious weeks away from Montreal and then 2 weeks spent trying to catch up to everything that went on while I was gone.

What's the point of having a vacation, if they are just going to save all the work for you when you get back? What about mass distribution? Here, you do this, he does that and when she comes back she can just pick up and follow along. But, noooooooo..

So it was a lovely three weeks, and since I left on a Tuesday afternoon - NO BORDER WAIT TIMES! Yes! It was the fastest border crossing every.. Hi! Where you going? How long you staying? Are these all your kids? Ok, have fun! Vrooom.

The the guy working the toll booth at Harriman was checking me out. "Do you need a receipt m'am?" ME: Nah, I'm allright. Toll Booth worker craning his neck to stare at my legs (because I'm wearing shorts) "OH yeah, you're allright.." Gee thanks I feel much better now!

Spent the first few days down there taxiing Mom around, because she wouldn't be Mom if she didn't save up every little errand she has for the very first day I arrive. My sisters or brother can't drive her for some odd reason, so the task falls to me, every summer and every Christmas. Then help Mom around the house (it gets saved for me). Then on Sunday it was off to Wildwood for 6 glorious days lying on the beach doing sweet F-A. The place we stayed in was a great location, however the service sucked. The pillows were all yellow stained which was very obvious through the paper thin pillow cases, and I didn't even want to think about what the mattress looked like. I managed to get some cleaner pillows and another set of pillow cases for all. The towels were big enough to cover a baby's bum, so drying off after a shower was a workout. It was like polishing a car, but minus the Turtle Wax. We went up to Atlantic City for a day and strolled up and down the Boardwalk for 8 hours. At one point we left the kids in the Amusement park and ran across the way to Trump's Taj Mahal to lose some hard earned money and see where 3/4 of the retirement population hang out.

Then back up to North Jersey for another week of playing Mom's Taxi! Yay! We did take some time out to go over and take the Statue of Liberty/Ellis Island Cruise. In all the time we've been living there, we've never done that. It's always a novelty to play tourist in your home field. In my case I have two home fields so I'm always playing tourist somewhere. I highly recommend the Cruise. At 12$ a pop, you get your money's worth, just as long as you don't spend $200 in souvenirs like my Mother.

"But Mom, we live like 20 minutes from here, what do you need souvenirs for?"

"Shhhh now help me find a souvenir for your brother!"

We also got to see the Queen Mary 2 sailing out of New York harbor bound for Southhampton. It's quite an impressive site!

Towards the end of the week it was back down to the Shore again, only to my sister's Shore house in Brick where we have our annual neighbourhood beach party. Over 500 people showed up and the new band that was hired kept people dancing all night.

The only thing I didn't get to do was go over to Central Park, but really go in to NYC around the July 4th holiday? I'm crazy, but not certifiable. So Central Park will get saved for Xmas..

I'm already planning next year's vacation. A one month road trip of the Southwestern US. With the kids. I think that's close to being certifiable.

18.6.09

No Doubt....

..they were great!

17.6.09

Slow day..

Ever go to your blog and click on the link at the top of the page that says Next blog? Then mindlessly surf through the plethora of blogs available?

Unfortunately most of the ones I "next'd" through weren't even in english. In fact, I couldn't identify half the languages I came across.

Such a slow day at work today I'm doing all I can to prevent my mind from liquifying.

6 more days until my vacation. Then I can become one with mind mish.

10.6.09

A thought...

Here in Quebec, the liquor board's acronym is the SAQ..

The Department of Motor Vehicles is SAAQ..

A little confusing if you don't want to drink and drive.

6.6.09

A moment..

..to thank the brave men who fought 65 years ago today so that we may enjoy the freedom we have. Thank you.

31.5.09

25.5.09

Internet love scams?

Awhile back I joined a site that was supposed to be for travel information exchange. I hadn't logged into it for awhile and about a month ago, I figured I'd go see what was up since I got an email that they had renovated. So I updated my profile picture and travel info, deleted a couple of old mails and forgot about it until I started getting notifications that I had mail waiting. Well some of these emails were a tad weird.. Men offering friendship, romance, trust, loyalty and email addresses. Well if you google those email addresses, half of them come up as being listed as Internet love scammers.

They get a woman interested in them, and they are usually travelling. Then the woman will get a frantic message that he is stuck somewhere and desperately needs money to get out, or his son is injured and needs x amount of dollars for medical treatment in Nigeria (yes because we single parents always run off to Nigeria with our kids).

I would offer up a sampling, but when you report them as spam, they disappear from the inbox. I'm sure I'll get a few more and when I do I'll share..


In the meantime, there's even a site on how to deal with these guys nicknamed as the Nigerian 419..

http://www.419eater.com/

All about romance scamming:

http://www.internet-love-scams.org/forum/showthread.php?t=9408

14.5.09

In protest...

..of the cold at work (they refuse to fix it until Friday now). All my desktops are bearing this fine specimen. (click on pics for larger view).



12.5.09

42 days and counting.

I will need a good week on the beach to thaw out!

Awhile back, I may or may not have complained that the air conditioning at work, never worked properly. With the multitude of computers and monitors in the lab, we never have to worry about heating in the winter, and still need the A/C running 365. Well, 2 weeks ago, they finally fixed the problem. We now have outakes (to draw out the heat) and a few more diffusers placed to keep us cool. Too cool in fact. We have gone from an 85-90f working environment to 74f. It may not sound cold, but when you are sitting down (and not moving around a lot) with a diffuser blowing right on you, that 74f feels like absolute zero. My anti-static coat has now become a snuggie (heavens forbid) and if I'm wearing a skirt, I use my sweater as a leg wrap.

Today someone finally came around to make an adjustment and the temperature has now gone up to 77f. We'll see if my teeth stop chattering finally.

7.5.09

Vacation countdown begins..

I know it's still 7 weeks off, but I'm so looking forward to some unsick time off work. I'm currently looking for a place in Wildwood for a week so I'll spend a week and a half with Mom and a week and a half soaking up the sun..

Temperature has been regulated at work now, so it hovers around 76-77 at my desk with the occasional dip down to 75. Good thing too as I have been having to wear a tank top so that the new tattoo I got on my back 2 weeks ago could heal up.



My new student is working out well so far. First few days were full of questions, but that's to be expected and now she seems to have settled in.

I'm now having to play with Windows 7 at work.. I find it much smoother than Vista is!

6.5.09

Real groaner...

In my inbox this morning:

It was once said that a black man would be President when pigs flew.

Well, behold, 100 days into his Presidency,



swine flu..

30.4.09

Blah!

That's been my general mood as of late. It can partially be blamed on work.. For awhile the A/C wasn't functioning so the over abundance of heat in my work area was draining the life out of me along with my regular day to day activities. Well, now the A/C has been fixed and they want to keep us in the comfort zone of 76-78. Well 72 isn't really cutting it much. It would be fine if it wasn't blowing directly on you to the point where you need 2 sweaters and a pair of gloves to function. Unfortunately when I'm cold, all I want to do is roll up in a blanket and go to sleep.

Trying to plan for my summer vacation has also been a pain. My mom says one thing, then I plan for that one thing, then she says another, and so far she's been pulling me around like a yo-yo. Yes Mom, I want to go on vacation to get away from my work stress to deal with vacation stress from which I will probably need a vacation from when I get back.

Finally, men need to come with an instruction booklet. Sorry to any men out there offended by that remark, but you think us women are high maintenance creatures? I think I just finshed dating a woman trapped in the body of a man..

On a lighter note, I went to visit my family in Ottawa this past weekend enjoyed the lovely tornado that blew through briefly. I rented a vehicle to go there for the day as I had been repairing my van. It had developed a nasty leak and after looking over it with a coworker, he seemed to think it was coming in from the top of my windshield. So I bought some black silicone and sealed it up. Since it took 48 hours to dry, and I figured what the heck, let's ride something different, off to the rental agency I went. When I walked in the guy said, after I asked him what he had, "I can give you a car, I can give you a minivan, I can give you an SUV or I can give you The Beast!" When I asked him what "The Beast" was, he took me in the back (get your minds out of the gutter) and showed me "The Beast" which was the choice between a Chevy Tahoe or a GMC Yukon.. So I took out the Chevy Tahoe thinking to myself, holy cow, how am I going to drive something this big.. But it was an amazingly smooth ride and fast.. I didn't even realize I was going 140km (about 86 mph) but the speed limit is 100km (60 mph).. I think I know what my next vehicle will be.

16.4.09

Back from my brief absence.

So my last update reported that my strep throat had come back, and back it did with a vengeance! The previous dose of antibiotics, obviously didn't kill all of it and it crept back. This time it was accompanied by a high fever and strep lesions in my mouth making eating a very difficult process.

Just as the antibiotics started kicking in, my sister came up from New Jersey for the long Easter weekend, and we partied just a little too hard. She went back to New Jersey exhausted, and I went back to work on Tuesday wondering what planet I was from.


10.4.09

And the strep came back...

...the very next day, and the strep came back.. we thought it was a goner, but the strep came back, it just couldn't stay awaaaaaaaaaaaay..

[grumble]

4.4.09

Family portrait..

..sub-titled How Many People Can you Cram in a Photo Booth?

Actually since Zach has a loose tooth in the front, Photo Booth sounded more like Frodo Boots. I kept wondering why he was going on about Lord of the Rings!

Our first stop was your standard photo booth.. 4 pictures, 3 minutes.. And while the pictures were being snapped all you could hear was.. "Ow, my foot! "Move over!" and "Uh, my butt is hanging out.."



The second attempt was in what was called a Portrait Booth. You could either sit and pose for a picture or scan an existing one, so we of course chose to pose. Let's call this how many people can you cram into a Portrait Booth.




All in all good fun. We then followed this up by going to A&W and stuffing ourselves silly.

2.4.09

Have problems with your cereal?

Then feel free to call and complain about it.


Some funeral homes apparently are a cut above the rest.

Film at 11.

30.3.09

29.3.09

Driving music..

I have been trying to compose a CD or 2 with songs that are great to drive to. So far from my own personal favourites I have this list:


Rudy - Supertramp
Highway to Hell - AC/DC
This is not America - David Bowie
The Chain - Fleetwood Mac
Highway Star - Deep Purple
Orange Crush - REM
Detroit Rock City - Kiss
Second Hand News - Fleetwood Mac
The Mexican - Babe Ruth
Kashmir - Led Zeppelin

Now I know there are more than that out there but damned if I can think of them! So how about some input. Anyone?

It seems my next concert attendance will be No Doubt. My daughter has been hinting that she'd like to go and she's never been to a concert before. Should be fun!

27.3.09

Mental spewings.. ya..

I'm surrounded by spewings.. Kid B and C have been puking for the last day and a bit.. With a bucket bucket here, and a bucket bucket there.. My only hopes is that the eldest doesn't get it or me for that matter.

To further complicate this mess, I have a homestay student arriving on Sunday from Spain who will be staying with me for 2 weeks. I can see the scene now at the aeropuerto..

"Hola!"
"Speeeeeeeeeew"

25.3.09

Awesome.






This concert was absolutely amazing, so glad I went.

I seriously hope I can look that good at 60.

24.3.09

How to lose friends and alienate other countries..



..and this was done just as 4 of our dead were returned home.

23.3.09

Back to work...

I went back to work today and now I'm completely bagged.

I found myself falling back into my night owl routine, and last night had trouble falling asleep at a reasonable time.

While the time off is nice, it's the whole readjustment period to going back that sucks!

18.3.09

The Clinic.

I spent a good 3.5 hours of my time today at The Clinic. I got there at 7:25am to be greeted with a line up just to get into The Clinc. You'd think this was the only clinic in town! So after 10 minutes of fidgeting in line, the doors were opened and like lemmings, we all piled in. Now I'm there for a suspected strep throat, which is highly contagious and you'd think that once I tell the triage nurse that, they'd put me off somewhere else. No, no. I still got sat down with the horkers, the sneezers, the pukers and the one lady who looked like she had a bladder infection (since she kept fidgeting in her chair, crossing and uncrossing her legs and running to the bathroom every 10 minutes (later confirmed when she ran off to the bathroom with a sample cup)).

I got to see the doctor after a 2 hour wait, and he says the same thing I thought. "I suspect it's strep" and he orders up a lab culture and then tells me "if it's strep I can't let you go to work until Monday.." however he sends me back out to the full to capacity waiting room where I managed to squeeze in a seat again better the half asleep teenager and the coughing old man. Half an hour later I get called to the lab to get my throat swabbed with the warning "please don't puke or cough on me when I do this.." Ok I'll try. 15 minutes later I was handed a prescription for penicillin and a note saying I can't return to work until March 23rd, which btw, cost $20. Yep, $20 for a piece of paper that has 2 check boxes a line to fill in the date and a line for the signature. I'm in the wrong business.

I imagine now that half the people I was sitting near will be back at that clinic in 3-5 days time with strep, and I will be horking/sneezing/puking but hopefully avoiding the bladder infection.

It's a wonderful life. Really!

17.3.09

The wonderful thing about spring..

..is the thaw brings out all the virii and germs that were dormant from the cold.

I dealt with the flu bug a week and a half ago. Then dealt with my son's impetigo last week. Seems like I'm heading back to the clinic in the morning to get my throat dealt with. From past history it appears to be strep. Feels like strep, looks like strep, so chances are I'm off work for another 2 days and antibiotics for 10.

I try not to use all my sick days at the beginning of the year, but this time of year sucks them up like a vacuum cleaner.

16.3.09

Shaking cobwebs

Why is it, the more sleep I get, the more tired I feel? I've never understood that. It's like the whole sleep thing was just a huge waste of my time. I could have been up all night enjoying infomercials about snuggies and knives, weight loss and exercise and probably still felt as awake as I do now.

I dozed off on the couch around 10 (which seems to be my thing now after kid's birthday parties), crawled up to bed at midnight (although I don't remember much of that) and slept right through to my alarm at 6:45, but I feel like I'm trawling through molasses.

Warmer weather is finally coming this way. It is supposed to go up to 42 today, and then climb all the way up to 50 tomorrow. Time to break out the t-shirts and shorts. You're probably thinking well it's not that warm. See, up here when you've had -20 and -30 temperatures, 52 feels like a heat wave at first, until the temperatures get warmer and eventually 52 will be more of of a jeans and sweater kinda day. So it's not uncommon to see people walking around up here in shorts and tees, while there are still snowbanks in the background.

In future, if I find myself awake in the middle of the night, I could possibly be watching this. What will they think of next.

15.3.09

Spring is here...

...and girls are starting to show their bellybuttons.


14.3.09

Well..

I don't know what to call this one. I was searching for a Carlos Mencia skit about friendship, and came across a video. However, it's not exactly Carlos Mencia in the video. Someone decided to put the Friendship skit to anime. It's vulgar and hilarious. Enjoy.


Carlos Mencia Friendship Skit - The best video clips are here

13.3.09

A little U2 ..

.. to start the day..

11.3.09

Welcome to teendom.

If that's even a word.

It was my son's 13th birthday today and the poor kid had to spend half of it at the emergency walk-in clinic.

A few days ago he had a couple of minute red spots on his face resembling pimples. So I made a joke saying that what he was getting for his 13th birthday was pimples as his initiation to becoming a teenager. Well he came home yesterday and they had grown, but still looked like pimples. This morning however, they had grown again, and some had ruptured and were leaking down his face. Gross I know, but imagine how the poor kid felt! So at 7:30 this morning we ended up at the emergency walk-in, yawning, tired and hungry. Within an hour we had a diagnosis; impetigo and the doctor put him off school until Friday because he is contagious.

His comment on the whole thing? "What a way to spend my birthday, but at least I get time off school."

And that's what counts.

Talking Clock

After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

"What's that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock",the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.

"Yup", replied the drunk.

"How's it work the friend asked", squinting at it.

"Watch", the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.......

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You asshole! It' three-fifteen in the morning!"

10.3.09

Facts about Canada

Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics,these are some questions people from all over the world are asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto -can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax ? (England)
A: What, did your last slave die?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ?(England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?(Germany)A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

9.3.09

Needs more jiggawatts..

I am back at work this morning with only a bit of a cough left. I don't know what has me more tired at the moment, the cold, or the whole one hour time shift. My clock said 6:30 this morning when the alarm went off, however my body was saying "Sod off, it's only 5:30" and just wanted to go back into a coma. My voice may take a few days to recover it's girlish sound as right now I sound like a wandering transvestite.

Some interesting headlines from Fark this morning..

When asked about the suspected mass grave beneath her house, she responded, "No wonder our plants grow so well"

Speed limits on rural roads in the UK may be cut from 60 to 50mph to save lives. No word on how many lives would be saved by driving on the right side of the road

Percentage of Americans calling themselves "Christian" drops 11% in one generation. They were blinded by science

And the worst one of the day goes to

Pastor shot and killed during Sunday services. *pew*pew*pew

I also came back to find my intern had been fired. Not like I didn't see that one coming.

Back to my tea and my testing.

6.3.09

Fevered musings..

I feel bad for my kids. They have been on Spring Break for the last week and my plan was to go to work early so I could come home early and we could do stuff. Instead they got to watch Mom hack, sneeze, cough, blow nose and struggle to speak.

I hope none of them have to write an essay on "How I spent spring break.." when they get back..

It was the worst of times, it was the phlegmiest of times.

Lock, stock and two smoking nostrils.

While my nose gently drips.

I could go on, but I think I'll stop now and drink some more tea.

5.3.09

You are not the baby's father..

Daytime TV sucks!

Here's some winter scenery instead.



4.3.09

Congested brain.

I am off sick today so I present to you my cat, waiting for his breakfast.

2.3.09

Mental fluff..

I wonder if it's the same as bellybutton fluff (you need to read this).

The party went really well if not a little noisy at times, but it could have been a lot worse. The police didn't show up so that's always a good thing. We started off at an all you can eat buffet, and ended back at my place where 5 of her friends stayed for the night. They played Clue, Monopoly, Scene It (Disney Version) and sang along with every Disney song in the book, laughed at stupid videos on Youtube and of course, played Rockband. They all piled out at 5pm yesterday and the house was finally quiet. The 5yo absolutely loved all the female attention though. He has all the makings of a Casanova..

The Sweet 16's of my era were never quite as tame. The whole 70's Me generation which sent most of our parents to the discos and swing parties with powder on their nose, left most of us pretty much unsupervised during our formative years. Sweet 16 parties that I went to always involved alcohol, drugs and at least one couple having sex in an unused room. Times have changed!

Next stop, Kid B's birthday in 9 days.

27.2.09

Things that make you go hmmm.

We have been doing a spring cleaning at work the last couple of days and my taskw as to go through all the cabinets and toss out old games, keep newer and more popular ones, then I came across this gem;



Meanwhile back at the ranch...

My daughter is having her Sweet 16 party tomorrow (even though her birthday was in December) so once I feed a whole group of her friends at the buffet, 5 of them are coming back for a sleepover. I am armed with tylenol and a few horror movies to keep them occupied. I am of course plotting to scare the crap out of them at one point. Film at 11.

25.2.09

Funny..

"The Daily Show's" Jon Stewart pokes fun at Barack Obama's Canadian trip


TORONTO — "The Daily Show" may have been in re-runs last week, but host Jon Stewart didn't let U.S. President Barack Obama's visit to Canada escape his sights.

On Tuesday night's show, the American comedian devoted about two minutes of his opening bit to Obama's wildly successful visit to Ottawa last Thursday. Stewart posed the question why did Obama go to Canada before showing a clip of Obama almost saying "Iowa" when he meant to say "it is a great pleasure to be here in Ottawa."

Stewart quipped that Obama went to Canada for his first foreign trip as president because he can "mess up" here, calling Canada the diplomatic equivalent of a pre-season game.

The Daily Show also aired a clip of Obama signing the visitors book on Parliament Hill, to which Stewart asked "Canada has world leaders sign their guest book? Are you a country or a bed and breakfast? No disrespect."

Stewart also poked fun at the fact that Obama spent only seven hours on Canadian soil, saying that his first diplomatic trip on the show's "How Long Americans Stay in Canada Scale" ranks above a firecracker prescription drug run and just below an underage Montreal bachelor party.

Obama said when he was in Ottawa on Thursday that he came to Canada on his first trip as president to underscore the closeness and the importance of the relationship between Canada and the United States.

Obama's highly-anticipated meeting with Prime Minister Stephen Harper in Ottawa yielded an agreement to co-operate on the economy, fight climate change and protect the auto industry.

During his brief trip Obama went out of his way to praise Canada, noting he has both Canadian in-laws and staff.

"I love this country," he said.

Original article here.

23.2.09

Crime of the century

I was listening to this in the car today, and I wondered to myself after really paying attention to the lyrics, how did they know about George Bush back in 1974?

Now they're planning the crime of the century
Well what will it be?
Read all about their schemes and adventuring
It's well worth a fee
So roll up and see
How they rape the universe
How they've gone from bad to worse
Who are these men of lust, greed, and glory?
Rip off the masks and let's see.
But that's not right - oh no, what's the story?
There's you and there's me
That can't be right

Apart from that though, I love the haunting melody at the end of the song..

Best Oscar speech ever

22.2.09

We don't need no steenkin' title

I am completely brain dead this weekend. I don't know if it was the long week at work, the interviews, the lack of sleep, or the three combined, but, the light's on, and no one's home.

A snuggie commercial came on while I'm writing this and what scared me was at the end they say, "similar products sell for $50 and more.." There are similar products??

I was going to drive around today and take pictures of snowbanks and the like, however it is snowing and completely smoggy/grey outside, so that's out. Kid C has a birthday party to go to between 11:30 and 1:30. They are having it in a café designed for kiddies, complete with built in jungle gym, etc. Just what one needs on a Sunday to complete the day. A restaurant full of kindergarteners! Where's the tylenol....

Next weekend is Kid A's Sweet 16 party. I'm taking her, and 11 of her friends to an all you can eat buffet and have agreed she can have 5 of them sleep over. I like torturing myself apparently. I will plan a night of horror movies and popcorn with a side order of tylenol..

So heads up, the price of the tylenol stock is about to go up this week!

19.2.09

Obama ate a beavertail.

Canada's love affair with Obama deepened today as the President made an unscheduled stop in the Ottawa Byward Market, bought a beavertail and some maple cookies for his daughters. If I was still living in Ottawa, I definitely would have been one of the frozen onlookers waving a flag.







Various news articles about the visit with more photos.

I love this country!

Crowds thrilled by unscheduled stop

Obama waves, Canadian women are never the same.

Obama shops for cookies and beavertail.

Draining

Considering I fell asleep on the couch at 9:30 last night. After putting Kid C down for the night, I figured I'll just sit down for a minute, then go make a cup of tea. Never made it.

I woke up at 10:30 long enough to realize, I was done, sent the other two off to bed and crawled off to bed.

I woke up to a winter wonderland this morning, but at least that meant it was warm enough to snow.

It's 32f now, and I think I'll go back to my visions of driving to Key West.

18.2.09

Yeah, I can relate.

I think this song sums up how my brain felt after listening to the same spiel 10 times today and ooooh some of them loved to ramble on.

3 down, 7 to go.

I need caffeine, or Red Bull or a couple of sticks of dynamite under my chair.

 

 

Zzzzzzzz…..

17.2.09

Interview Hell

Started off today interviewing students for the summer session which isn’t too bad as some of them can be quite interesting.  It’s when you get the deadpan ones that answer every question in a monotonous monosyllabic tone that your mind tends to wander off to your next vacation, what to eat for lunch, state of the world economics, etc.  I was in a semi-comatose fog by the time the 4th student arrived, however once he entered the room I was wide awake and wishing for an oxygen tank.  Wearing cologne is nice, and can smell wonderful when put on in appropriate amounts.  This guy chose to marinate himself in ¾ of the bottle for the interview.  It was the longest 15 minutes I’ve endured in a long time.  My eyes were watering, my throat closed up and my nose felt like there was a midget with a blow torch in it.    I went outside afterwards just to clear my head, nose, throat and eyeballs.   Chances are I’ll hire the perfume-free girl with no experience because she looked eager and willing to learn.  In the monotonous job of testing, one needs personality to survive.

 

For lunch I went to the local pet supply store because my daughter was running low on hamster food, the bird was running out of seed and frankly the drive would further clear out any lingering cologne effects.   As I was walking through the store, the cashier came running up to me ‘I’ve been waiting for you to come back in since last year!!!”  and then hands me $22 and a lottery ticket stub.  I’m kind of dumbfounded at this point and she went on to explain that when I went into the store at some point last year before Christmas, she didn’t have all my change for the purchases I had made (came up to about 2 bucks), so I said to her, don’t worry about it when you do get it just go out and buy a lottery ticket with it, so she did and we apparently won $44.   I’m still kinda dumbfounded, but it’s nice to know there are people like that out there.. 

 

I’ve had better luck with a complete stranger with  a lottery than I have with the local office pool!

 

Well, break time is over, back to the grind!

16.2.09

Monday I have Friday on my mind...

I'm definitely ready for another weekend. Kid A was sick with the flu that Kid C had just got over (which kept me home for most of last week) so Kid C is back at school but Kid A is home. Thankfully she is at an age where I can come to work and zip home if she needs me. Times like this I wish I had bought stock in Kleenex.

To add to the cauldron, I woke up Sunday morning to a dead monitor. It had shades of white and pastel mixing in with grid lines on the screen. CNN never looked so trippy! A Viewsonic vx2260 has replaced it, rather nicely I might add.


15.2.09

Questions that haunt me.

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape, or shoplifting?

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated and not just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only "a penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the same clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it sill called a hearing?

Why are you in a movie, but you're on TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is bra singular and panties plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that aAcme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's on your ass?

Did you ever notice that wne you blow in a dog's face, he gets made at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

14.2.09

Anti-Valentines

Taken from a recent competition in the Washington Post.


My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other
-- that is until I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty and so is your head.

I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

13.2.09

Spellchecker at work..

We received an email today from a co-worker, apologizing due to one of the servers coming down for maintenance. Which was fine until you got to this line:

"Sorry for any incontinence this may cause."

I did a reply to all and wrote "Feeling a bit pissy today?" Someone else followed up with "Well your incontinence won't bother me since I can't smell you from where I sit." and finally, "Where's the mop?"

This had the whole lab giggling for hours. I went over to him at lunch and asked him if he wanted me to pick up any Depends for him while I was out. He was still laughing over the fact that all this stemmed up from him initially mispelling inconvenience, and the spellchecker offered a choice of words, he just hit the first one since he was in a rush. A rush to go to the bathroom maybe??

12.2.09

Canadian Car Chase

Yep, this about sums it up.

To Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair
dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice!

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask If they want fries with
that.

4. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over
their caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.

5. In the memo field Of all your checks, write 'For Marijuana'.

6. Skip down the hall rather than walk and see how many looks you get.

7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

8. Specify that your drive-thru order 'Is to go.'

9. Sing along at the opera.

10. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party
because you have a headache.

11. When the money comes out of the ATM scream 'I won! I won!'

12. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling 'Run
for your lives! They're loose!'

13. Tell your children over dinner, 'Due to the economy, we're going to have
to let one of you go.'

And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity.....

14. Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and ask
where the fitting room is.

11.2.09

Another Brain Game

Exercise your Brain...

It will tell you at the end of the game how old or young your brain is.....

This will drive you nuts. The site instructions are in Japanese, so read below!

1. Touch 'start'
2. Wait for 3, 2, 1. to finish then start the game.
3. Memorize the number's position on the screen, and then click the circle from
the smallest number to the biggest number.
4. At the end of game, the computer will tell you the age of your brain.
5. Forward the message and type your calculated age in the subject line.


http ://flashfabrica.com/f_learning/brain/brain.html

My brain age is 22!

Maybe the groundhog was wrong..

RAINFALL WARNING: Montreal Metropolitain-LavalIssued at 11:02 AM EST WEDNESDAY 11 FEBRUARY 2009
UP TO 30 MILLIMETRES OF RAIN ARE EXPECTED OVER THESE AREAS THIS EVENING, TONIGHT AND THURSDAY.

A LOW PRESSURE SYSTEM INTENSIFYING OVER THE ILLINOIS TODAY WILL MOVE ACROSS SOUTHERN QUEBEC THURSDAY. HEAVY RAIN AHEAD OF THIS LOW PRESSURE SYSTEM WILL AFFECT SOUTHWESTERN QUEBEC WITH CLOSE TO 15 MILLIMETRES TONIGHT, TO REACH A TOTAL OF 30 MILLIMETRES BEFORE LATE IN THE DAY THURSDAY.

Well I did ask Laoch to send some of that warm Chicago weather my way. Gotta like a man who can deliver.

In other news, I loved this guy's take on Valentine's. I like what he says that if you love someone, love them 365 days a year and not just one day.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/02/11/martin.valentine/index.html

I am roasting in my apartment as the heat is still blasting from yesterdays 6f weather and it is currently 42. The windows are open, a robin hopped by looking for worms in the snowbank and the cats are happy to watch this.

Think I'll go turn on a fan.

10.2.09

Brain Games (working)

Read out loud the text inside the triangle below.



More than likely you said, "A bird in the bush,"! and. ........
if this IS what YOU said, then you failed to see
that the word THE is repeated twice!
Sorry, look again.

Next, let's play with some words.

What do you see?





In black you can read the word GOOD, in white the word EVIL (inside each black letter is a white letter). It's all very physiological too, because it visualize the concept that good can't exist without evil (or the absence of good is evil). Now, what do you see?



You may not see it at first, but the white spaces read the word optical, the blue landscape reads the word illusion. Look again! Can you see why this painting is called an optical illusion?

What do you see here?



This one is quite tricky!
The word TEACH reflects as LEARN.

Last one.
What do you see?



You probably read the word ME in brown, but.......
when you look through ME you will see YOU!


ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST

Count every " F " in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
(SEE BELOW)





HOW MANY ?
WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.
READ IT AGAIN !
Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.

The reasoning behind is further down.
The brain cannot process "OF".

Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!
Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.

Three is normal, four is quite rare.

9.2.09

Obiwan Kenobe wore a snuggie



The horror!

To retro'cert or not to retro'cert.

I read on Facebook (through iLike application) that Fleetwood Mac are swinging into town on March 25th. I hope my pockets can swing the price of the ticket!

Meanwhile, here's a video of The Chain. One of my favourite Mac songs, which I also love playing on bass.



Update: I got tickets! Yay!

8.2.09

Random Sunday stuff.

I hate my nose. I think my drinking I did as a youth gave it a permament red tinge on the tip. Nobody notices it but me. I'm sure I'm going to look like Karl Malden when I get older.

Tonight I am having yummy pitas! Greek tzatziki along with goat's milk feta, raw spinach, cucumbers and tomatoes all wrapped up. It's been awhile. I figured I'd take adavantage of the warm (33f) day to eat a cold dish.

On the other hand, it's supposed to go down to 1f tonight. Ugh. I wish the weather would make up it's mind as tomorrow morning I will be driving over the ice rinks this will create.

The kids are hungry, so am I. Time to slice the veggies.

7.2.09

Tell me why, I don't like Saturdays

My day goes something like this:

7:30 - Wake kids up, get dressed and run Kid A to the Cadets for 8:30
9:00 - Head home, feed kids B and C and myself.
10:00 - Head out again to take Kid B to his Social Skills Group
10:30 - After dropping Kid B off, Kid C and I head out for groceries.
12:00 - Pick Kid B up after finishing groceries by the skin of my teeth and head home.
12:30 - 15:15 - Put groceries away, make lunch, eat lunch, sort laundry, do laundry, clean up house a bit.
15:30 - Gather up Kids B and C, head out to pick up Kid A.
16:00 - If I'm lucky Kid A gets out on time and I don't need to sit in the parking lot for an hour (Which kinda sucks when it's -20)
16:30 - Arrive at Costco. Leave Kids in car under care of Kid A (unless it's -20 then we all go in) gather up bulk foods not bought with regular groceries.
17:00 - Arrive home, put away more groceries
17:30 - Sit down for an hour and have tea OR bike for an hour. Depending on my degree of tiredness
18:30 - Get up and make dinner
19:15 - Eat dinner
19:30 - I think I sit down at this point.

It's more tiring than my average work day! Then the kids wonder why I don't want to leave the house on Sunday!

6.2.09

Zach spends the day at work.

Unaware of the webcam!


Uh oh! It's been discovered!


Am I in trouble?


Guess not!

Business Star Signs

[forwarded]

Instead of star signs, what's your business sign?

Marketing
You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with sales.

Sales
Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree." You are also self centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.

Technology
Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even you don't understand what you are saying but who can tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.

Engineering
One of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that 90% of all personal ads are placed by engineers. Accounting: The only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organisation; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumours concerning you say that you are completely insane.

Human resources
Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organisation. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut and eat lunch.

Management and middle management
Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Romantically compatible with other middle managers as everyone in you social circle is a middle manager.

Senior management:
See above. Same sign, different title.

Customer service
Cheery, positive, you are a bus ride away from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "customer service". Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.

Consultant
Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience. You have convinced yourself that your skills are in demand and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organisation in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities without ever taking direct action.

Head-hunter
As a person that profits from the success of others, you are disdained by most people who actually work for a living. Paid on commission and susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly with fluctuations in the stock market.

Partner, president or CEO
You are brilliant or lucky. Your inability to understand complex systems such as the fax machine suggests the latter.

Selling England by the pound of snow..

I feel bad for my relatives.. They aren't used to it like we are over here.

Maybe I'll send them a shovel.

5.2.09

Laughter

I had a flashback on my way to work this morning (don't really know what brought it on) about the time my Mom, Sister and I went out to dinner at Red Lobster. My sister and I tend to be the giggly ones of the family, and when we are together it can get a little dangerous.

We were just about finished our meal, when something set my sister off. She just started laughing. Of course my mother and I are staring at her, waiting for her to stop and share the joke, but it just got worse. The more we stared, the more she laughed. She has one of those infectious laughs too, so before long, I was laughing right along with her. That's when the Domino Effect kicked in. The more I laughed, the more she laughed which made me laugh harder. My poor Mother could only sit there, occasionally giggling, but looking around to see if we were being stared at. That of course made my sister laugh even harder, and I followed suite like a good little lemming. After 15 minutes of this, we now have tears running down our cheeks, and we're pretty much doubled over since our stomachs are now killing us and I honestly thought I was going to throw up! We finally calmed down enough to breathe, wipe the tears and resume some sense of normality when the waiter came up to our table and asked rather innocently "Are you ladies done?"

The results were disastrous because now my mother was laughing, my sister was back to crying again and I was just in too much pain to do anything. We paid the bill and left. Our laughing fit cost us though. When we got home and figured out the bill, we realized we had given the waiter a $15 tip. That of course, set my sister off again.

Rinse, lather, repeat.

4.2.09

Just when I thought it was safe...

I get this in email:




When cat meets underwear.



Zach decided that Ragnar's life wasn't complete without a pair of underwear on his head.

3.2.09

Gimme Shelter

I am growing increasingly impatient with this new student that is currently working with me. I had mentioned a few blogs ago that he was a bit of a pain, and he hasn’t improved at all. It got to the point where we had a meeting with him to point out some simple things; not reading the supplied documentation, spending too much time staring, asking questions that are clearly answerable by simply reading said supplied documentation and taking extended breaks from his desk, because we all need to spend over an hour in the bathroom. If he has a medical condition that requires this, he probably should have told the boss right from the get go.

So since that meeting not much has changed except for the amount of questions because he was told off for disrupting the whole team. He is still asking me questions where all the answers are written down, and still spending most of his time staring. I have now placed a 30 inch flat panel on the small filing cabinet between my desk and his to allow me some privacy to work without eyeballs boring into my back all the time but he is still craning his neck and looking over. This time we got the big boss to pull him aside and have a talk with him. His excuse for not reading the documentation? ‘It’s not related to Vista and since I’m working with Vista I don’t need to read it. “ Uh-huh. Every single document he was giving to follow the test guidelines all have to do with Vista. It’s even marked on the paper “In Windows Vista, do the following… “ Anyhoo. I forwarded all printouts to the boss and highlighted all the pages where Vista is marked. He wasn’t impressed.

This morning after spending an hour last night contemplating my plan of action, I decided his notes were going to get an upgrade. I asked him for the binder containing the documents and then spent half an hour with a bright pink highlighter, highlighting ‘Microsoft Vista” wherever I saw it and including any headers where the test guideline was Vista specific.

I handed it back to him and the conversation went like this:

“Here’s you binder back. All your documents have been upgraded for Windows Vista.”

“Really? Ok. We got new papers?”

“No, I just took your old papers and in a bright obnoxious pink highlighter, highlighted all instances of Microsoft Vista because obviously you were having trouble finding it before. So now, you can no longer use the excuse that the documents are not related to Vista. If you continue to ask me questions where the answers are clearly written therein, I will just ignore you and continue my work which you are trying to disrupt.”

A little later on, he calls me over to his desk. “Can I ask you a question?” I said depends, what’s the question? ‘Can I send you all my questions in email from now on, that way I won’t be interrupting you.” Oh sure, that works fine with me.

Now I will have documented proof of his inabilities.

2.2.09

30.1.09

Go forth and multiply?

I have to admit that when I read that the woman who had octuplets in California has 6other children my jaw dropped, then a large question mark formed over my head.

Who, in their right minds would go and have fertility treatments if you already have 6 kids? What, the Brady Bunch wasn't enough? I can't understand it, really.

29.1.09

A weighty issue..

For the last couple of days whenever I've signed onto MSN and the Windows Live Today pops up, there has been at least one blurb about Jessica Simpson's weight gain.

Any browser I opened on a test machine that automatically has MSN set as it's homepage, also contains bits and pieces of Jessica Simpson's now bountiful bod. First there was the picture of her ass, and a caption along the lines of "She's a big star now..." Then articles of her sister defending her weight gain.. and I'm thinking to myself, there are wars going on, people are dying, losing their jobs, their homes, their minds, and all people seem to care about is that Jessica Simpson went from a size 2 to a size 8? First off, good on her for having a normal body, and secondly who cares???

The media needs to stop doing stuff like this as it's grossly unhealthy for adolescent girls to read this crap, and soak it up they do! Not too long ago the press went nuts because Jennifer Love Hewitt went from a size 0 to a size 2 and they were treating her like she had become obese. For too long Hollywood and the media has put too much emphasis on skin and bones, and not enough on health.

I wear a size 10, so that must make me morbidly obese? I'm 5'11, how do you think Size 0 would look on me? A stick person comes to mind..

28.1.09

..it was a $15 screw..


..that had slowly been letting the air out of my rear tire over the last couple of weeks and it cost a whole $15 to remove it and plug up the hole. At least it explained why my tire was acting screwy.

I guess someone had a screw loose...... I'm tired.

Idiot Awards for 2008.

<Forwarded from work so excuse any formatting errors>

 

Idiot Number One of 2008

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.  I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

 

Idiot Number Two of 2008

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.

It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.

 

Idiot Number Three of 2008

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, 'Put all your muny in this bag.' While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.  Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left.  He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign.  He probably couldn't read it anyway.

 

Idiot Number Four of 2008

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.   He later received in the mail a ticket for $ 40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.  Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.   He immediately mailed in his $40.

Wise guy........ But you still get a sign

 

Idiot Number Five of 2008

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.  After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.  He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, 'Because I don't believe you are over 21.' The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.  The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.  They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.

 

Idiot Number Six of 2008

A pair of  Michigan  robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.  The first one shouted, ' Nobody move!'   When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign

 

Idiot Number Seven of 2008

Arkansas:  Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.  He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.  So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.  The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious.  It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.  The whole event was caught on videotape.

Yep, here's your sign

 

Idiot Number Eight of 2008

I live in a semi-rural area. (Weyauwega, Wisconsin)  We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.

The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! - I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

 

27.1.09

Anutha day anutha dolla'

So a new budget was proposed for the Canadian people today. They actually want to put the Government in deficit to help stimulate the economy and help keep or create jobs for the people. I'm all for that, because honestly what does the Government need a surplus for if it means people losing jobs.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the staring stagiaire as he has now been unaffectionately nicknamed was given a new task. Since he can't focus his day without staring at me, we unceremoniously dumped a whack of dirty keyboards, video cables, extensions, null modem cables and mice for him to test if they work and if they do clean them thoroughly. The look on his face was priceless.. I had to run off and giggle myself silly. I was able to work in peace this afternoon as he finally had too much work on his hands to waste his time staring.

During my break today, instead of doing my blog hops, I went shopping on Amazon. After watching the show True Blood and seeing that it originated from a book series, I decided to check it out. They were having a special on the boxed set at $39.99. Not bad for 7 books! I also ordered a new copy of Lord of the Rings as the copy I have had for 27 years now is finally toast. No book collection is complete with out a little Tolkien. For the final purchase, I bought a book of sheet music for Supertramp. I've always liked this group and I love the piano playing, so, I'll be able to try it myself.

Now, I must eat and see how badly Laoch is killing me in Wordscaper.

26.1.09

Some more goodies.

It was a particularly hectic day at work, and one engineer was a thorn in my side for most of the day. I had a couple of emails from a buddy of mine in Ottawa and one of the links he forwarded will give me nightmares for days to come.

http://www.sexypeople-blog.com/

Chad had me a little worried on page 1, but when I saw The Queen on page 2, I ran screaming.

24.1.09

Had to share this..

http://www.drunkrepublic.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=97:when-your-credit-card-signature-fun-backfires&catid=34:humor&Itemid=60

I'm still giggling.

Friends..

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/01/23/lw.opposite.sex.friends/index.html

I read this article on CNN with my morning tea and toast and thought to myself what's the big deal? Then again, I've always had males as friends and never thought any differently. I wasn't the average girly girl growing up, always the tomboy, always rolling around in the dirt. I couldn't get into the girly stuff of pink ribbons and frilly dresses (the thought still makes me shudder), so it seemed just natural to hang out with the boys instead. They liked all the things I did. Softball, soccer, climbing hills, climbing trees, pretending every nook and cranny in the park was the step to the next big adventure. Then of course there were those infamous "For a million dollars would you....." conversations. As I got older, I found like-wise female friends and have a pleasant blend of both.

I still don't wear pink and frills (I do however, own dresses and skirts now), my obsession with rolling in the dirt has now turned into a fascination with gadgets (still a guy thing for the most part), and I still like to hang out with the guys. Strangely enough I find some women just too high maintenance? I guess I could call that guy thinking too.

22.1.09

Interesting reading

Exit the Boy King

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/21/opinion/21dowd.html?partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

21.1.09

This is the life.

Ever stop to wonder who invented the bathtub?

Just one of those things that hit me the other night as I was stepping into the shower.   

 

One answer I found was:  John Michael Kohler did when he enameled a cast iron horse trough in 1883.

 

The concept of bathing goes way back.  Further research showed that the Greeks had baths with drainage as far back as 1700 B.C.

 

Of course, this question also leads to who invented showers?

 

That answer was found here.

 

Let’s see what other Cliff Clavin like questions I can come up with tonight’s shower.

20.1.09

I love this commercial..

I think it should be show in Sex Ed classes to promote safe sex..


19.1.09

I wonder....

...is there a laxative for mental block?

18.1.09

Get out the sunscreen!

The cold snap is being pushed aside by snow. Of course it warmed up enough to snow. Today's high will be a whopping -10c (or 14f if you prefer).

I have a headache thinking of going into work tomorrow. Every 4 months we get a new student (co-op) and some are good, or even very very good, and then you get some who can dazzle you with bullshit in an interview, get the position and then fail miserably. The new guy is, well, I'm still looking for a word to describe him. The first week he was with us, he spent 80% of his time reading various news sites about the Gaza situation. When he wasn't doing that he was busy spending the other 20% staring at what was going on at my desk and 0% productivity. We also have a 30 minute lunch, 2 x 15 minute break rule too. He decided on one hour lunches with half hour breaks. We took him aside for a talk on Tuesday and confronted him with all this and of course he had an excuse for everything. While he is no longer taking the 1 hour lunch, half hour break routine (we threatened to edit his timesheet), he's still sitting at his desk, staring off at the news, my desk, every move I make, anyone who walks by or his iPod.

On another note, a Snuggie commercial came on TV and I had a flashback to Laoch's blog, then my 5 year old says, "Mommy, can you get one of those, they look so soft!" I think the horrified look on my face gave him his answer.

Tylenol please.